Remembering a Remarkable Soul

In an earlier post I gave the history that leads me to this message. I ask that you first read the BLOG entitled "History" before starting here........

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As you have read, my father, "Jim Jarman" was on a mission. It was a mission to better himself and lose weight. The decision to do a gastric bypass surgery was more than likely the first "seemingly" selfish act of his life. I can't blame him at all. I knew that he wanted this for all the right reasons. As he stated, he wanted to see his grandchildren for many years to come. He wanted more fantastic memories with his wife and his sons. October 21st was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of his "new" life.

My "AWESOME" father lost his life on Monday October, 13th 2008. This was just 8 days before his surgery. As I was when I first heard of the surgery, I am still so proud of him for his decision. He cared so much about those in his life, that he took this risk to give us all a few more years. Yes, we lost him before he had a chance, but my father died a fighter. Even his only "selfish" act, was really for "US". My father died a lover...

I was with "Big Jim" on Sunday the 12th. I thank the LORD for that time each and every day. We watched an amazing Falcons game (just the two of us). His hopes were high, and he was feeling much better that when he was first admitted the day before. I was lucky again to speak to my father on Monday the 13th. We spoke from 1:25 to 2:00 PM. He told me how he felt better than even the day before. They had just made a decision to move him out of ICU and into a private room. I was so happy to hear how well he was doing. We hung up saying those three words that my father would not end any conversation without saying: (the same three words we ended with on Sunday) "I LOVE YOU". At the good news I decided to take my son to his soccer game that started at 6:15 instead of heading to the hospital. Not even 5 minutes after after the game started, I got the worst phone call that I have ever received in my life. I lost my father, my best friend, and my role model.

I am posting this for us all to remember who he was. He was a large man, but large in so many ways above and beyond his physical appearance. I have said so many times the past few days that he had to be so big to hold that huge heart that he had. He was always a man that would put everyone in his life before himself. My uncle Barry pointed out to me how the bible defines a "friend". It tells us that a true "friend" is one who will lay down his life for you. Everyone who called my father a friend knew that they had a friend by the biblical definition. There are not many of us that have a lot of friends like that. "Big Jim" loved with every bit of his soul, he loved sincerely and he loved HARD. He made special connections with people: His most recent nurse told my mother "I only knew Jim a short time, but I LOVED that man". I went into the office today of the doctor who was to do his bypass surgery. Everyone there ran out and gave me a hug. They all said how sweet of a soul he was and how every time they saw him or got off of the phone with him, they all looked at each other and said, "He is such a great and sweet guy". There are 50 more stories just like those that I have heard this week. He just touched so many of us so fast.

He has also been more than just a a friend to some us us. I have had three friends who have shared their stories with me. There is my roommate from college and "friend", Dave Koren. He tells me how he saw my father visiting us at college more than he saw his own, and how both at those visits and when he was at my home, he felt a sense of love. He tells me how he felt so close to my dad and how he always felt at home when he was with him. My dear friend Jonathan Munson tells a similar story. A story of a man and a family who gave him his first sense of what a true home was, and what a "loving family" had to offer. My dad loved Jonathan so much and it showed when I read what he wrote on his will dated and signed Sep. 23rd, 2008. He said that he wanted Jonathan Munson to be the officiant over his funeral service. The 3rd is not a story I had to hear this week. This is something we all just knew. A guy who I can call my best friend (second to my dad) "sorry Oakes". His name is Brian Oakes. Brian did not have his birth father in his life for many years. My father took on the role to call Brian his son. He was at every soccer game, and really embraced him and made him feel loved. I will always remember the day that Brian and the Walton Raiders won the high school state championship in soccer in 1995. Brian got a bad cut in his head and was bandaged up during the game. When the game was over, it was my father who took him to the emergency room just after the game. "Big Jim" was the only one there with Brian at the hospital. He waited while he received stitches for his head. My father paid his hospital bill and rushed him to a party where he could celebrate the championship with his friends. My dad always told me that Brian was his 3rd son. He was so proud to be a part of Brian's life.

This is how I view my father.... He was the life of the party. If you don't have a smile on your face, you would have one very soon after time with my father. He had a huge heart. He would truly die for his friends and family.... you could even say that he did. He died while taking steps to lengthen his life for all of us, so we could enjoy more years with him. He was a true master of woodworking. You name it.. making birdhouses of gigantic proportion, to repairing and building furniture, all the way to his true passion, building clocks. I am so very proud to have what I call his masterpiece; a 7ft tall grandfather clock. He did not pass on to me his skill as a craftsman, but he did give me what we all are starting to see as his greatest trait of all...... His heart and is care for others. I have gone through life thinking that I have succeeded in nothing at all. Now, I look at my father, and I can see these traits in myself. If I leave this earth and I have affected half as many people in the way that my father did.... I WAS A SUCCESS. My dad was humble. He did so much for others and he wanted nothing in return. He loved to make others happy, whether through his jokes, or his acts of kindness. He was happiest when those around him were happy. He knew he did his job with every smile that surrounded him. He was not shy about his weight. He had a confidence that I will never have. He could have been so depressed and wanted to lock himself alone and not go out. He had every reason with his weight and his other health issues. My father did not make that choice. He was always out and about, and did not want to be cooped up. He was soo far from depressed. He radiated JOY and spread it to all of us. Some of us would hide embarrassing stories about ourselves. Jimmy J would be the first to share anything about himself, no matter how much it would potentially humiliate him. He loved to share anything as long as it brought joy and a smile to others. You could not humiliate my father. You could only laugh, and he would enjoy laughing with you oh so very much.

The earth has lost a genuine and special soul. We all lost a best "friend". I lost a tremendous source of happiness. I lost the voice on the other end of the phone. I lost the first person I wanted to hear "THE NEWS" whether it was the good or the bad. I could go on forever on how great a man he was, but I will leave it to you from here. I wrote this as a way for me to vent. "Big Jim" started a BLOG and I wanted it to continue in his name. This is the place for you to share what my father meant to you. I hope that this can help all of us as we try to move through this. I will enjoy reading what you all have to share. I guess I will just sign off with this.... The earth has seen a great light go out, but oh how much brighter HEAVEN is shining....

I LOVE YOU DAD..
Your Son, Your "Friend"
Tyler